While sitting on my couch (OK, my mother's couch) this morning and eating Honey Nut Cheerios, I realized something about this little (no really, it's pretty brief) month they call February.
It sucks.
Honestly, what have we got to look forward to in February? If anyone just said, "the Pro Bowl," I will personally force you to watch every Pro Bowl until you realize why it should be banned. Aside from football's February farse, here are six other sporting "events" that allow more time for me to be whipped in to a March Madness frenzy.
Disclaimer: If the Stimulus Bill happened every February, it would be No. 1 on this list. Also, in keeping with the sports theme, I could not include the Oscars, and Valentine's Day...But I digress.
1. The NFL COMBINE: Until MTV's "Bromance" (were you really expecting a link to that? come on) came out this winter, there was no rival programming for a bunch of grown men running around trying to impress other grown men. When I (my parents) paid for our cable to include the NFL Network, I did not envision having to watch the desk toss to Steve "Thank you Brett Favre and Steve Young for my career" Mariucci for live updates on a 40-yard dash. NFL.com actually describes the combine as an "annual job fair." I've been to job fairs. I never had to complete a shuttle run. Then again, I still don't have a job, so maybe I should have.
2. Spring Training: There's nothing like knowing that a bunch of unathletic white guys are being paid millions to go to Florida and Arizona, work for two hours, golf for four hours and drink for 24 hours. And somehow the majority of them still do not know how to run from the mound to cover first base. Go figure.
3. The aforementioned Pro Bowl: Oh the Pro Bowl. Remember that time in the 1995 Pro Bowl when...uh...wait...I've never actually watched a Pro Bowl in its entirety. I think I watched some guy from Connecticut hit a halftime field goal for money once. Or maybe he missed it, I really don't know. Reaching far back in to my memory bank (centralized, of course), I recall crying in the first grade when I realized I had missed the previous night's Pro Bowl. By the next year I had grown smart enough to realize that the Pro Bowl was like my school's cursive writing curriculum-- it's completely irrelevant, and has no contribution to society. And yes still I hold a grudge because of Robert Edwards.
4. Signing Day: Oh my! Which school will the 57th-rated defensive back choose to receive his all-expense paid trip to la-la land from?! Now we've even got live coverage of such decisions. Although I am against such publicity for 17-year-olds, I did like this young man's way to make a decision. In fact, it appears it's how George W. Bush made the majority of his.
5. The NBA All-Star Game: Yes, I went there. I will say that I have become a bigger fan of the NBA now that it's become the only sport not linked to steroids in a big way (yet). It's got plenty of good characters and there is a nice balance of power among league teams, yet still, it's winter classic doesn't do it for me. The dunk contest is great and the pre-game intros are hilarious. There's just one problem. The NBA All-Star Game lacks one aspect of basketball that I'm pretty sure Dr. James Naismith had in mind -- defense.
6. Bracketology: Apparently ESPN, in another attempt to take over the world, has created a new form of science. So until the games are actually played, we must hear about the bracket busters, the on the bubbles, the longshots, one seeds, two seeds, three seeds, four seeds, must-wins, RPI, key losses, etc. They've even got us believing that a 12-seed over a four-seed is more likely than your next paycheck. Then again, in these times, they might be right.
